Struggles in Connection and Isolation
The Divine abounds everywhere and dwells in everything…
And yet, so often I feel completely alone, disconnected, alienated from those around me.
For everytime I feel truly connected in a glorious moment of joy, I feel the cold ache of isolation and the nauseous yearning for that lost connection.
Sometimes I feel that the more I follow my path of helping others to connect with themselves, others, the world around them, the divine, the more alone and isolated from them I feel. The more I stand aloof.
I once had a vision of myself standing on the side of a mountain in the dark and looking down on the festival lights of a village below. Those were my people, but I didn’t comfortably fit among them. And I railed against this vision and its implication.
Sometimes I feel like I’m totally begging people to be with me, to like me, to love me, to play with me, to not leave me. Sometimes I wonder if I coordinate events for my group to meet the needs of the group or my need to be with people. Sometimes I wonder if I really know anything, if I really do anything worthwhile or good.
Hanuman, the most devoted, help me to open my heart and feel the love of the Universe.
Hanuman, the wily and strong, show me the paths both up and down the mountain.
Hanuman, wise counselor, I pray for your guidance in working with others
Hanuman, playful monkey god, let me embrace the joys of life in the company of friends
I think it’s harder to feel that connection with other people, if they do not have a strong connection with Nature themselves. I have felt the isolation (from certain others) and think it seems to increase as I get older. I’m there with them, but I can’t be truly myself with many of them (co-workers, neighbors) even though I do like them, so there is a distance or barrier there. I feel a nameless longing for a tribe of my own.
I found comfort in re-reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, and re-affirming that my wild spirit is alive and well, even though I’m rather a chameleon in society!
I just surfed in and discovered your interesting site. There are lots of ravens in the rural northern area where I live. Our woodland is like a sanctuary.
December 17th, 2006 | #