Crone Wisdom
I am by no means a Crone yet. In our community, “crone” is a title of wisdom, respect, and (I believe) well-earned eccentricity. I have a few more years. But I have been thinking a lot lately about the stage of life I am in — no longer a Maiden, but not really a Mother in the conventional sense, since I don’t plan to have children. I find myself in this strange betwixt and between state where I have some experience, a few years, and a lot of responsibility to others. Three sizes of Maiden, Mother, Crone do not fit all!
Today, at the Cleveland Museum of Art writes with wit and wisdom about the life stage she finds herself in career-wise in Mine is the Cronedom:
For the past several years I’ve been not-so-easily transitioning, in my working life, from being one of the Bright Young Things (BYT) in this field to being one of the crones. For better or for worse, women in this field turn into crones while men seem to turn into the “grand old men.” Fair or not fair, this is what it is and just in the past few months I’ve embraced my inner “crone” and found life considerably easier by following a few rules:
–speak when I have something to say and not just to hear myself speak
–tell the truth
–don’t get angry
–never ever be harder on others than you are on yourself
On the whole, it’s easier being a crone than a BYT because the only pressure is the pressure I apply to myself. Crones are, on the whole, invisible and that allows one to accomplish a lot more behind the scenes.
Interesting. We’re both in the same basic boat here, but I’m finding I’m identifying with the “mother” stage, even though I don’t have and am not actively planning on having kids.
I’m definitely finding that I’m no longer a BYT — if I ever was one. I also very much identify with Holly Witchey’s rules, but I also have a few rules that maybe are the new “mother” stage rules for me. Let’s see if I can clarify them here.
1. Lead by example — “kids” see what you do not just hear what you say.
2. Give them chores - “kids” learn my doing for themselves and you need to learn to let them
3. Let them fail - hardest part - failure doesn’t always reflect on you and sometimes you just need to let people fail and then help them learn from it.
While I don’t have kids, I do have many co-workers that I’m expected to mentor and people turning to me for various kinds of guidance. I think these are the three biggest “mother” rules at play in my life in various ways now.
October 23rd, 2008 | #
I would suggest that you check out Donna Henes book “Queen of Myself” where she introduces a 4th archtype for us women who are no longer (or have never been) mothers, but who are not yet crones… http://donnahenes.net/pages/pub.shtml#qbook
October 24th, 2008 | #
Ketzirah, I like these rules too. It may be time for some reflection on my ethical guidelines.
Cathy, a friend of mine recently recommended this book to me. Two recs means I definitely have to check it out. Thanks!
October 24th, 2008 | #