I’m linking this post to the one right before. I think they make sense together, but what do I know.
This last weekend, I participated in a workshop, Awakening Creativity Through Spiritual Practice, taught by Sylvan at Reflections Mystery School. You know you’re in trouble when your response to a trance is, “Whoa! Deep! F**k!” The big message I took away for my artistic work is to draw the pictures that I am afraid to draw, that I am afraid to be seen by others.
I even committed–outloud and in front of others–to do just that. I have experienced a tremendous amount of anxiety over this for years and kept myself to positive, beautiful, uplifting, and safe subjects. But that doesn’t seem to be what I need to draw and paint. The thought terrifies me, and yet there is so much energy here, which usually means there is much power waiting to be released and used. That is one of the lessons I have learned in working to integrate my Shadows. That, and “to attend to where the energy is”–a corollary of “energy follows attention.”
Today’s post over at Seth Godin’s blog deals with the resistance to actively and successfully moving toward our dreams. He talks about the lizard brain, or amygdala. From scholarpedia, I learned that the amygdala has been implicated in the processing and memory of emotional states, such as fear, aggression, maternal feelings, sexual urges, and ingestive (eating and drinking) behaviors. And yes, all of those are subject matter for the images that are bumping up against the surface of my conscious wanting out.
Last night I took the first steps by looking for stock photos for reference, taking some of my own with my little digital camera, and doing some sketches. It wasn’t as bad as I feared. The anxiety is lessened but not gone.
How does this relate to my last post? Perhaps this is a boundary I must cross to follow the holy man on fire. Perhaps that is just one aspect of my animus. Perhaps this crossing and expanding of my personal boundaries is necessary to grow both in my art and my spirituality.
I don’t know exactly. Maybe it doesn’t make rational sense. But as the BlissChick wrote today, I will follow the breadcrumbs.