I was planning to continue my new practice of connecting with the moon energy, while doing some touch drawing on Saturday. I did all the preparation before hand and straightened my studio to be ready for Saturday morning. Then my eldest cat decided not to eat, which is highly unusual for her and was a bit of a scare for me so soon after Lucky’s death. So, I spent the morning calling the vet and paying special attention to her before setting in to clean the house for the evening’s company.  So, while I did not do my practice, I will share with you the preparation I did prior.

First, I did a natal chart for the New Moon at 7:22am EST, Washington, DC, at Astrolabe. The Moon is in 06 Degrees Capricorn in the 1st House, and pulled out a few key words:

You are serious and shy and very uncomfortable in those situations where spontaneous and exuberant emotional reactions seem called for. An achiever, you prefer doing practical, worthwhile things that produce tangible results. You need role models to respect, love and emulate. You tend to feel that you’re a failure unless you get an important and highly respected position in life. Don’t be so hard on yourself! For you, practical needs always win out over emotional considerations. Remember that you too have the right to comfort, security and love. Dutiful and patient, when you make an emotional commitment, you sign on for the long haul — your love is long-enduring.

Then I checked a few trusty web sites.

Excerpted from Starweaver’s Corner:

There is an opportunity now, however, to settle into useful habits and basically “get your act together”… This requires some self-examination and some insight into our own style of working and organizing time.

Excerpted from Astrowisdom.com:

Capricorn’s incredible ability to achieve comes from hanging in for long haul and not giving up, even when the going gets tough. And it sure does look tough right now… Here is another secret of Capricorn achievement: work with what you got and don’t get lost in dreams of what you wish you had…

Don’t get lost in fear, ground yourself in the here and now, knowing that all things are of the nature to arise and pass away. Clinging to what was, what could have been, what should be, only add unnecessary suffering to an already painful time. Be present with stillness when it is time to be still, with activity when it is time to be active…

Use this New Moon ritual to acknowledge your fears, and then do some work on reframing your relationship to fear. Make fear a helpmate. Think of it as a big adrenaline rush or just a big push to get you moving on the road to success…

This is the best New Moon for setting goals, initiating projects, and making serious commitments for successful achievement…

Let me remind you all that the two weeks after the New Moon, as the Moon waxes to fullness, is the optimal time to build the energy of your intentions. Action is best begun on the Full Moon in Cancer. So slowing down and being deliberate is not only appropriate, but is the Capricorn way. For those of you who have trouble with follow-through, this is the New Moon to gain focus and work on building real stamina. Believe me, with concerted focus and effort, you might find you are a whole lot stronger and more responsible than you think!

From About.com Moon Wisdom

Capricorn is a sign of patience, earth-wisdom, dignity and deliberate action. There’s a need to settle into a well thought out life-structure that leads to achievement. The ambition and authority of Capricorn come out of a desire to fully cultivate, and then share, the natural gifts within. It’s a moment when musing on your destiny — against the backdrop of current collective changes — can be especially fruitful…

This new Moon adds to the general trend toward what’s based in real wisdom. Capricorn is a no-nonsense sign that helps you stand on more solid ground. It’s a sign that stands firmly rooted in a tradition or area of knowledge, on the path to mastery. It’s a good time to ponder where your true talents lie. How will you make your mark? What is your contribution to the world? What kinds of skills, training, real-world experience, education, etc. do you need to be confident as an authority? Look to where Capricorn falls in your chart (house, sign position), to see which arena this personal power will manifest…

Taking a hint from that last sentence, I checked my natal chart and found Capricorn is in my 6th house — work, routine, duty.

Taking all this information, I crafted the following intent for my practice:

to explore how determination and discipline relate to my work life and sense of duty

On one hand, I took my duty very seriously — the responsibilities I have taken on as the caregiver of my 15-year-old cat and those of the host for my spiritual group’s Winter rite.  In this case, I made the choice to give those priority over my personal spiritual practice. On the other hand, you could say I lack the discipline and determination to make a space for myself and the Work I want to be doing.

Whether that is “good” or “bad” remains to be seen. (This is where I say, “I’m such a Libra.”)

Wednesday night, I found myself without words to describe how I was feeling about Lucky’s death.  I felt sad with fits of jagged crying.  I felt fragile as if I didn’t want anyone to talk to me or look at me.  But I also felt like I didn’t want to feel like this forever.  I do not want to hold Lucky’s spirit to me too tightly, which would be good for neither of us. Yet I don’t want to forget, either.

So, I did what I do best and created an altar to speak for my pain, my loving memories, and my hopes for myself and for Lucky’s spirit.  To my normal working altar, I added a blue candle in the center, aframed image of the Star Goddess on the left, a bronze cat bookmark, and a framed image of Sehkmet on the right.

Far left is the Death card from the Gaian Tarot. Where I was at the time: greiving for the physical death of Lucky. But I also liked the sparkling water to remind myself of the beauty of life that continues.

Inner left column: Ace of Cups and Five of Pentacles from Robin Wood’s Tarot. The unending flow of love from the Goddess pours down to this realm. As it touches the icy sphere around me, it turns into snow. The little snowflake above the upreaching hand of the woman is that love coming down to me, even though right now I feel shut out.

Middle column: Death and Universe cards from the World Spirit deck. The spirit is released upon physical death to merge again with the universe — the dancing star goddess.

Inner right column: The Sun  and Queen of Wands cards from the Robin Wood deck. The joyful energy of the Sun shines down onto my memories of me and Lucky (the little black cat in the skirt of the Queen). This is the feeling I want when I remember him.

Right: Strength card from Gaian Tarot. What I want to gain — strength from going through this process of loss and healing. And I think about how my cat has been transformed into a strong lion in spirit.

Today at 11:37am (EST) is the Full Moon in Gemini.

Last night, I gathered my materials for a Touch Drawing session to commune with my Younger Self and connect with the lunar energies in Gemini. To help my Talking Self, I gathered some information from a few web sites and set an intent for the working.

From Astrolabe, where I do a “natal chart” for the moon (emphasis is mine):

Restless in the extreme, you are easily bored because of your short attention span. Your emotions change rapidly and you love to talk about your feelings. Generally, you have good judgment — your intellect controls your emotions and you do not overreact emotionally to things…. You have vivid powers of emotional self-expression — you can be a nonstop talker. You love to share your ideas with anyone who will listen.

From StarWeaver’s Corner (emphasis mine):

This Moon is charged with tension…. Out of this tension and confusion, a new alternative must be created. Instead of doing what you desire, or doing what you feel obliged to do, do what is to be done. Something not thought of yet, that acknowledges the diverging choices we face, but replaces them with something new, something that answers all the questions at once…. Use this Moon to make yourself willing and open to a new approach. Trust that it will manifest and speak clearly after you have completed your magical work tonight.

My intent: To fully express my emotions, both conscious and unconscious, and open myself to new approaches to experiencing and learning from my emotions.

Here are a few pictures…

Doing this practice on a weeknight after work, when I have other responsibilities at home, was difficult. I didn’t feel as relaxed as I did at the new moon, which was the Thanksgiving holiday.  I also left my iPod at home, so no music. There are two pictures in particular that touch a place where I am, but visually they are difficult to read.  Technically, the yellow is more difficult to work with because you cannot see the color through the newsprint as you can a dark color like red.

I am trying not to judge these images or compare them overly much with the last set, but to open to what they have to say to me, regardless of what I consciously felt or didn’t feel in the moment.

At the last new moon, I gathered my materials together and set my Talking Self‘s conscious intention to delve into Touch Drawing as a way to engage my Younger Self‘s (aka the Fetch) sense of play, using its unconscious, imaginal language, and connect to the energies of Sagittarius New Moon. For me this practice does a few things concurrently. It is a way to begin introducing these two parts of my triple soul and encouraging them to play nicely together. A stronger relationship between Talking and Younger selves will strengthen communication and connection with my Deeper (or God) Self. By doing this practice in conjunction with new and full moons and with an awareness of the zodiac signs, I seek to learn more about how these energies of the cosmos feel within my body and my awareness.

I compiled some information about the zodiacal energies in the new and full moon from a couple of different sources. I particularly like the following:

• StarWeaver’s Corner
• Astrowisdom.com
• About.com Moon Wisdom
• And I do a free natal chart of the moon at Astrolabe using the info from Astrowisdom.com and my location.

I shut the door to keep the kitten and other distractions out of my studio. Next to me sat my Lucky, who had been recently diagnosed with cancer. Listening to tribal drumming on my iPod, I set my intention for the working:

To open myself to my creativity, joy, and life purpose.

After 19 drawings and 90 minutes (which didn’t feel at all like 90 minutes), I felt done. I taped all my drawings on the wall of my studio where they have lived since.

Tonight, I will take them down and do another session with the full moon in Gemini (which happens at 11:37am Friday when I am at work). I am curious how Mutable Air will feel different than Mutable Fire. I am also curious what will come up now that Lucky is no longer physically at my side.

Just before Thanksgiving, my 7-year-old black cat, Lucky, was tentatively diagnosed with cancerous masses in his abdomen and chest.  He stopped eating anything but “tuna juice” and progressively got weaker.  Yesterday, I decided the most compassionate course of action was euthanasia.

I remember when I first got Lucky, and Mia (the Siamese above who is now 15) bullied him into hiding under the bed for the first month. He would only come out in the middle of the night and scope around the bed.  A couple of nights he startled me awake by sticking his cold, wet nose in my ear or up my nose!  Then he got big enough to start exploring during the day.

I remember how he would look at me with large round eyes and roll over to show his belly when he wanted my attention.

I remember how he would flop down in front of Mia, who after 7 years still barely tolerated his presence, and nudge his head under hers so she would groom him.

I remember how he was so scared of the sound of plastic bags that you couldn’t change the garbage while he was eating without him running away.

I remember how he would run upstairs when people came over, but would come back down and poke around everyone’s feet when we were in circle, quietly meditating in the darkened room.

I’m going to miss him.

This morning when my husband opened the bedroom door, our newest kitten, Hermes, bounded into the room and onto the bed, ran up the middle of my body, and stuck his nose right onto mine. It was like sunshine greeting me in the dark.  And went a long way toward making today bareable.