Monthly Archives: March 2006

Two chants

Last fall, while waiting for the bus, I was thinking about how we needed a song for the lighting of the Samhain fires. The voice bubbled from inside:

Rise up, Sacred Fire! Burning divinity, live in me!

This last week, it began to rain as I was walking home from work. I had no umbrella. I lifted my head and this song flowed from my heart:

I am washed
Washed in the tears of the Goddess.
And her rain
Carries away all my pain.
I am washed
Washed in the tears of the Goddess.
And her love
Flows over me in a flood.

I am not exactly sure where these come from. I don’t write them consciously. They bubble up from the divine inside as it connects sporatically with the divine beyond. It’s just there, and then it’s gone. But I have a song or two to remember it by.

Walking the Path

As long as I am standing in the dark, I have an excuse to not walk the path because I cannot see it. But once the light breaks, I have to decide to walk or not. And I question whether I am strong enough to walk it.

Over the past three years I have been consciously searching for my path — my Work. At first, I would feel lost and confused. I was stumbling around in the pitch black night with no stars or moon or even shadows to guide me. Sometimes I would stand frozen and scared that I would end up in a “pit of despair” — or maybe I would merely trip in a hole and sprain my spiritual ankle — or worse that I would be walking away from, rather than toward, whatever I should be doing with my life. Sometimes, I still feel this way.

Now I am learning and growing and stepping out into the light. And guess what, I still can’t see my path as clearly as I thought I should be able to. There are no shiny roads with a giant sign that says “This way, Angela!” There are trails in the woods and suggestions of overgrown footpaths in the meadows and weed-choked sidewalks in the city. I sniff. I explore. I test out one and then another. I get excited about sometime, and I follow it for a while. I find myself seeing the trees, the birds, the people I pass on the street differently, more fully. I sing to myself out loud.

But…I still wonder from time to time if I am truly doing my Great Work, or merely passing the time with vain, self-indulgent pursuits. I don’t know if I will ever be able to answer this question in the moment. Not because I cannot look back and see the impact I have made in the world and other people’s lives, but because saying definitively that I am on THIS path, MY path, is scary. To say that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing — which is just living as authentically as I can in the moment and letting that guide me — means that I take responsibility for my actions in the world and in myself. Scary and necessary.

And sometimes, that’s almost enough to make me want that dark room as an excuse again. It may have been miserable, but it was familiar. And there is a comfort in familiarity.

But that’s not the path I choose to walk.

Connections and Cycles

This past weekend, Becoming made its third annual pilgrimage to the headwaters of the Potomac River. Our intent was:

to honor and bless the source of the waters that run through the land on which we live. We ask humbly for her to return and bring abundance to our land and our lives in this coming year.

Usually, there is snow on the northward faces of the hills and mountains along US-50 once you pass Romney, West Virginia, and gain elevation. Usually, the little parking lot is filled with mushy snow and tire tracks. Usually, a multitude of streamlets hurry down the hillside into the pool that lies at the source. Usually, the ground is juicy, so wet that pools spring up around your feet at you step through the grass that is just beginning to peep out from the snow. Usually, there is a deep pool under the boulder that marks the headwaters, and a rushing stream running from it. The Potomac here is small enough to straddle with a foot on either side.

But this year, there has not been much snow.

I rejoiced in this fact over the winter. I live in the city where snow means black slush two hours after it falls. Cold and snow and I do not get along. Little snow meant that walking to work everyday was pleasant. Little snow meant my feet and the bottom of my jeans were dry when I came indoors. Little snow meant I was not stuck in the house for days on end, while I waited for the government trucks to dig us out.

Little snow also meant no pools, no streamlets, no rushing water at the source.

This year’s pilgrimage brought home the fact that what may be inconvenient during one season is essential for the growth of the next. No snow in the city is a sign of little snow in the mountains which means the river will be lower — and all this impacts wildlife habitat, agriculture, and water usage this summer in the city.

Next year, I hope for black slush and wet feet.

Life Mission Statement

I am currently reading First Things First by Stephen Covey et al for my work with Reflections Mystery School. This last month, we read the chapter “The Passion of Vision” about creating a personal mission or vision statement. Starting with the mission I wrote for this web site (on the right navigation bar), I refined, expanded and edited it to a statement about the kind of life I want to live every day. My mission is not about what BIG THINGS I want to accomplish and check off of my TO-DO list, but rather about what is important to me to remember and do every day of my life.

I will seek authentic connection with the ever-present divine within, around, and beyond. I will seek to find and embrace the divinity in all my parts, all of humanity, and all of nature.

I will listen to the subtle voices of the divine within myself and throughout the world.

I will walk my path consciously and with intent, so that I may reach out to others and share what I have learned and experienced.

I will express my visions, my truth, and my experience with beauty, integrity, creativity, competence, and compassion.

I will love those close to me fully and without reservation — and let them love me.

I will celebrate and honor life—its challenges and joys—with others.

I notice that my mission underscores how interconnected I believe the Universe to be and how important it is for me to be aware of and to take care of the relationships I have with everything within and around me.

Wow! I had not quite noticed that before.

Blessings from a full heart,

More artwork since December

Since December, I have been busy learning more about Photoshop and “riding the dragon” (I think she is green) of creativity by creating more collages. Rather than post all of them here, I direct you to my image gallery. This work has inspired me to do more of my own photography, rather than rely on the vision of others. New work will be posted soon.