How do I describe the Rites of Spring trip? Hmmmm….
I am finding that there are things you give up when you are a group leader, especially one who hasn’t quite learned how to delegate stuff yet and worries about the details and if everyone will have a positive experience, etc. I don’t think that I have the depth of experience that others have in ritual because part of my brain is detached and watching for the logistics. But this I have known; it was just brought home to me this weekend.
But wow! The Land Celebration was wow! beautiful. The labyrinth where we had the moon ritual was wow! bigger than I expected and radiated with energy. The lodge was wow! incredible and had everything we needed. The folks of Becoming were wow! great and pitched in and made everything work so smoothly. I really am proud of them most times – they just work so well together.
Sometimes it seems in ritual, I can just open my heart and my mouth and the gods speak through me or inspire me with words that flow without me thinking about it. And other times, there is nothing and I feel like I am blathering on about nothing or find myself repeating myself. I wonder why people listen to me at all at times like those. Full moon felt a bit like that to me. I really try not to plan exactly what I am going to say because I do not want to worry about the right words, but sometimes it comes and sometimes it doesn’t. But the folks who called the elements and the power of the full moon did excellent without any cue cards or more than 20 minutes to prep.
The next day, we traveled to the source of the Potomac. We drove through some fog so thick we could not see 50 feet in front of us. I always get turned around in the fog, like there is no reality beyond what the small patch around us, that everything beyond the veil is negotiable and being formed from the mist as you move from spot to spot. As we approached the site, the fog lifted and the sky cleared. I thought to myself that perhaps we would get lucky and not have to do the ritual in the rain again this year. There was more snow on the ground than last year – the ground was very wet. I also think that the ground is so saturated to give the river form and movement. You can see the rivelets of snow melting and running down the hill to join with the spring-fed stream. About five minutes into the rite, it began to rain. Well, so much for the clear day.
During the rite, we asked the spirit of the river to give us a name that she would like for us to call her. People received images, impressions, sounds, and words that pointed towards epitaths rather than an actual name. Laughing waters, abundant water, many streams, she who writes her name in the rocks….I can’t remember them all. I should ask folks to write me about what they got. One of our members asked me on the drive home where I thought we were going with the information from the meditation. I told her that I was not sure, but that I wanted us to open up to the river and establish a relationship that would grow with time. I think that over time, with continued contact and comtemplation, we will learn from the river. But what we will learn, I do not know. Ambiguity like that is uncomfortable. I feel that I am leading this journey and I do not even know where we are going.